Phew...it's been quite a day. It's also been quite a consuming seven months doing all I can to keep a little human alive and happy. That has got to be a major task.
When he came into the world, I remember knowing that he was mine but I didn't have a clue on what to do with him. Yes, I knew I had to feed, wash and change him into fresh clothes and diapers but it sounded easier when I read those things on blogs and apps.
I remember bringing him home when he was 3 days old. During my entire stay at the hospital, the nurses had washed and clothed the baby. Now here he was depending on just me to keep him alive and well. It was terrifying.
We were finding it difficult for him to latch and breastfeed. He was ever sleeping. And I held my heart everytime I bathed him as his little cord hang at the center of his tummy. Half the time, I didn't know if what I was doing was right but almost 8 months down the line, we're alive, happy and healthy. What has helped is my motherly instincts and always chanting to myself and baby, "Mommy has got this."
I wouldn't trade motherhood for anything but I wish someone had told me how scary it is to take care of a defenseless little human being. I mean, his precious life depends solely on his parents. And I can't even begin to explain the panic brought about by being a new mom. I remember even taking baby to the hospital when he was just two weeks old over what I came to learn later could have been a normal issue in new borns; digestive problems. I can't exhaust the list but I'm glad we've made it this far.
I wish someone had also told me that I would lose touch with the woman I was before; that my identity would be stolen from me. I love to write, watch, listen to music and go out for adventures sometimes. Now, I hardly get time for those things unless it's in the middle of the night when baby is asleep. My daytime is filled with house chores, cleaning, feeding and playing with the little man. Now even a simple self care routine such as showering feels so heavenly and the only time I can catch up on my favorite series is at 1 am at night.
People think that motherhood gets easier as the baby grows. It doesn't. It only gets different. As a newborn, my baby had his own set of ups and downs. I remember he used to want to be held all the time, even in the middle of the night when you need to sleep. So I thank God we made it this far because we would go to sleep cuddled up and there was that lingering fear of SID (sudden infant death). Most of the time, it's caused by co-sleeping with your baby. Now he doesn't really need cuddles unless he wants to breastfeed. But there are days he still gets clingy. He now likes to be all over the place even though he can't walk yet. One minute he wants to lie down and the next he wants to sit up. If you make him lie down, he wants to roll over without even considering where he is doing that so you have to be on toes with him. I often times can't keep up with him. Now, I can only imagine what it will be like when he starts walking around and can't take no for no.
Motherhood goes on every single day and into the night but I live in the moment. It stretches you over and above your limits but I enjoy every stage my baby is at. At one time he was a delicate immobile newborn and now that he is edging towards toddlerhood, he is a bit more mobile, he is baby talking and reaching the milestones at his own time. I love his little eyes, his tiny feet, his little infectious smile and his cute babbling. I feel rewarded by how he finds comfort in my arms, how he lets out a loud belly laugh when he's been looking at me waiting for me to look at him as well and seeing him sleep so peacefully. I wish someone had told me just how profound the feeling of being a mother is. That you would do anything for a little human, even put your life on the line for them. Not enough words can explain it but I can try using just one word; beautiful.
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