Meeting people where they are

2021 is going to be a good year. That is what everyone wants to believe. However, we're not yet in February and the number of murders we've seen on the news lately is quite alarming. 

Much has been said about mental health but not many people actually care. Not until someone close to them dies or crumbles because of it. Not until someone wipes out their entire family or kills their child in some absurd ritual. That's when you'll hear people say, 'We should have done better to help so and so.' Why do people love the dead and hate the living?

I'll tell you for a fact that, a person struggling emotionally, mentally or physically might not know they have a problem. If they do realize they have a problem, they might not speak up. If they do speak up, they will be labeled as attention seekers or be told that there are people who have dealt with far much worse problems so they should suck it up. They may also be told that only white men have such issues.

Let's try and meet people where they are. Let's not invalidate their feelings. No one is ever wrong for feeling a certain type of way. It's not only water that is capable of drowning a person; jobs, relationships, bad experiences and traumas can all equally do that.

1. A friend might come to you and tell you how they're sick and tired of their job. Don't start telling them how there are so many people who are unemployed and they should be lucky even to have a job. 

Let the person explain, if they're willing, what about the job dissatisfys them. If there are solutions or alternatives, try to find them together. If you're the spouse, be supportive of this person until they find something that gives them peace of mind. At the end of the day, if they're happy, you'll be happy as well.

2. A woman might come and tell you that their spouse cheated on them and they feel like leaving the marriage.  Don't start telling them that Men will always be like that or that for centuries, women have always endured a lot of hardships in their marriage.

From my observation, the older generation of women are a bitter lot.Times and seasons have changed. Nowadays, a long marriage doesn't necessarily mean a successful one. Moreover, women are no longer willing to tolerate any kind of oppression. We should not demonize a woman for choosing the path that gives her peace of mind.

3. A friend or relative might tell you that they are still hurt by the loss of someone or something. Or they can't get over something that was done to them and you're there questioning why can't they get over it already?

Count yourself lucky if you can easily forget about the bad things that have happened to you but know this, people have their own way of processing feelings and thoughts. It can take you weeks to forget the loss of a relative or a spouse cheating on you but it can take another person years.

4. Your daughter might come and tell you that she was raped by her uncle, your dear brother. Your first instinct is to conclude that she is lying or ask what she was wearing. No, your dear brother wouldn't do such a thing and if he would, not without a valid reason. 

I believe that, in this life, there are good people, bad people and plain evil people. A woman might be dressed in a hijab and there is a man out there who will still rape her. On the other hand, a woman might walk around in just some lingerie and a certain man will not even look at her. 

To cut a long story short, let's not be enablers. Let's not  be enablers of people suffering in silence. Sometimes what we can do is just give the people we claim to care about a listening ear, a warm hug, some kisses and just being there for them even in silence. 

Don't be there asking, why is so and so always angry and bitter or why did so and so do what they did yet you never lifted a finger to help them when you saw the signs.