Love Languages

The much anticipated Valentine's day has passed. Did you spend time with your partner or were they missing in action and then emerged a few days later claiming that they had been arrested or kidnapped? 🙄

Did you move mountains and cross all the oceans but could not get so much as a smile from your better half? If the latter speaks to you, then you're dealing with a simple problem that has an equally simple solution. It's all about you and your partners love language. 

Love language describes how we receive love from others. Scroll through and figure out which love language speaks more to you;

1. Words of affirmation

Some people prefer to hear nice things said to them above everything else. Phrases like 'I love you.', 'I'm proud of you.' or 'You're beautiful.' mean a lot to them while criticism and negative comments can be hurting and it can take them longer to forgive.

2. Acts of service

For some, actions speak louder than words. Things like cooking them a meal, picking something they need from the shop or helping them with chores can go a long way in pleasing them. However, this things should be done with positivity. Doing them with a negative tone or just for the sake of it will prove quite unforgivable for someone who prefers this love language.

3. Receiving gifts 

If someone prefers this love language, it doesn't necessarily mean that they're materialistic.  Giving them small gifts such as ice cream or chocolate can make a huge impact. When choosing gifts for them, however small, make sure it's something that they love. It will go a long way in showing how thoughtful you were.

4. Quality time

This love language involves undivided attention. This is whereby one dedicates a portion of their time with no distractions to spend it with the ones they love. This will prove to be comforting to someone who prefers this love language. However, if you cancel your plans or aren't present during your time together, be sure to never hear the end of it.

5. Physical touch

For some, there is nothing as impactful as being touched by the ones they love. They feel more safe and comforted when their loved ones kiss or hug them. If your partner prefers this love language, all the gifts or words of affirmation won't make them feel loved if there is no physical connection. They just need you close by.

It's important to learn your partner's love language as it will eliminate a lot of misunderstandings and help build a stronger bond. Do you now know what  you and your partner's love language is? If you don't know yet, you can find the love language tests  on the internet. You can prefer a few of them but there's always one that tops all the others. Well, for me, it's words of affirmation followed by acts of service.

Wounds

Human beings are like soldiers, constantly wounded from several battles. These wounds are inflicted by life's situations or the words and actions of strangers and our loved ones. Some of these wounds heal but leave a scar while some cause pain forever.

Most of the time, we can't control what happens in our lives. We also can't control what people do or say to us. We can however, control how we react to these things.

I can't even begin to tell you how much I've ached from hurtful things that were said and done to me by people who dislike me and even those who are meant to love me. I have also ached from failed dreams and ambitions. Some of those things are forgotten but some creep up on me occasionally especially the ones caused by people who are supposed to love and protect me.

I know that some of these things were not truly meant to hurt me but all in all, they did make my heart ache. I know that I shouldn't give anyone or anything the power to control my thoughts or my feelings but why are we here on earth? Is it not to live our dreams? To feel valued. To love and be loved in return.To have a roof over our head and food to eat and to know that we will always have these needs met in the future.

I'm a strong believer in the fact that all the problems we see in society are because of such wounds. People are walking about wounded and bleeding on the wrong people. 

So, I'd say, let's be careful about how we treat and talk to people. Let's do unto others what we would want done to us. Let's be kind to our loved ones in a way that if they died, we would not be left with guilty spells of what we should have done better for them. Let's help one another; in one way or another. If you know someone who is struggling for whatever reason, lend a helping hand. If at one point, you've inflicted a wound on someone, apologize and treat them better. The world will sure be a better place for you, me and the next generation. 

My vegetable rice recipe

We all love a good meal. I know I do and I also enjoy exploring new recipes. So, recently, I prepared vegetable rice using pure pishori rice and it was absolutely delicious. Read through to know the ingredients and the procedure I used.

Ingredients:

1. 2 cups of pure pishori rice

2. 1 onion

3. 2 tomatoes 

4. 1 large carrot

5. Some French beans (Michiri)

6. 1 courgette

Procedure:

For your rice;

1. Pour 2 cups of water in a sufuria.

2. Add your washed rice and place the sufuria on your lighted cooking equipment eg gas. (I prefer using cold water to cook my rice.)

3. Add half a table spoon of salt and a drop of oil. Stir the mixture and leave it to boil for a few minutes before letting it simmer until the rice is dry.

For your vegetables;

1. Add 2 table spoons of oil to your pan.

2. Pour in your chopped onion and let it fry until golden brown. Add your chopped tomatoes and let them fry until they're cooked. Add in your small chops of carrots, French beans and courgette.

3. Stir the vegetables and let them cook for a few minutes. Don't let them over cook or they will lose the crunchiness and the nutrients. 

For your vegetable rice;

1. After the vegetables are done cooking, add your pre-prepared rice to your vegetables and mix gently. You don't want to mush the rice.

Note that the rice came out fluffy (moja moja) because I preferred using cold water,  I did not use too much water and I cooked it under low heat.

2. After you're done mixing your rice with the vegetables, the end result is a scrumptious vegetable rice.

You can enjoy it with a tall glass of natural fruit juice if you so wish 🙃🙃

What being a mother has taught me

I had always wanted to have a baby some day but I didn't think that it would happen all so suddenly. The journey to motherhood has been completely surreal to me. 

When I found out I had missed my periods, I took several home based tests just to confirm. I also had to confirm with the doctor if indeed I was pregnant even after all those tests showed me two fat lines.

"Yes, you're pregnant." He said, scanning my shocked face. 

"Is it not something you wanted? There are so many people yearning to have children but can't have them." He continued with his unsolicited advice. 

He was right but that didn't stop me from feeling overwhelmed with different emotions. I was happy, scared and nervous all at a go.

"I have always wanted to have a baby all my life. I just don't think I'm ready right now. I'm not married, I don't have enough money and I'm not psychologically prepared to be a mother." I wanted to tell the doctor but quickly realized that we were not in a therapy session. 

He probably had more patients waiting and so I just walked away without uttering a word.

I hardly slept enough that night, the previous nights and the following nights thinking about what I had gotten myself in to. I mean, only a reckless woman would get herself pregnant without a proper plan. I had always been meticulous about monitoring my periods. In fact, I have this app called 'Flo'. It tracks when I'm ovulating and when I'm likely to have my period. It is 89% accurate as my cycle is regular. 

As much as I felt the circumstances were not right to have this baby, I was glad that he was slowly growing in my belly. With time, I came to terms with it and continued with my life. However, Corona came and that's a story for another day.

As I said, this whole experience was surreal for me. I didn't completely believe that I was pregnant even when I could feel the baby wiggle and turn in my big belly. When I was around 36 weeks, I had become extremely fatigued and I thought that, well, I had caught the Rona or my blood sugar was low. I didn't completely believe it even when I went into labor and the doctors delivered my beautiful baby boy.

I remember the doctors whisking me out of the theater without my baby and I had to demand that they give him to me or else they'd switch him up.

"That doesn't happen here." One doctor mentioned but I didn't believe him.

I mean, there is always a first for everything.

They gently placed my angel in my arms and he was sleeping soundly, looking fragile like a beautiful rose. I blessed him, still not believe that he was mine. I don't know when I will ever completely believe that I'm a mother but here's what I have learnt 5 months down the line.

1. Unconditional love.

I never knew what it means to love someone without placing conditions. The phrase, 'I love you to the moon and back.' now makes complete sense to me. I didn't know my heart was big enough to accommodate that kind of deep love. A love that withstands being shitted on, literally, sleepless nights and having no time for yourself except when you're showering.

2. Staying vulnerable. 

As a first time mum, I have had to grow a third eye and a third ear. They are always awake watching and listening over my baby so that he is always safe and happy. I have had to stay vulnerable because my baby is my heart. The whole world would stop for me if anything was to happen to him.

3. Working with one hand.

Sometimes I may be busy cooking or tidying up in the kitchen and the baby becomes fussy. I don't like listening to him cry or whine. So I have to hold my 8kgs heart in one arm and work with the other hand. This is the closest I have been to lifting weights. I don't think I will need the gym for some time.

4. Self care.

Motherhood has taught me that self care is very neccessary. If I'm not in my best shape, how will I be able to take care of someone who solely relies on me? I have to take some time to rest, unwind and take that long needed shower. The dishes can sit in the sink for some time but I have to be at a peace so that my son grows into a happy man.

5. How magical God's creation is.

Its unfathomable how two microscopic cells can combine and form a living human being. It's also amazing how the living human being can fit so snugly in the female body and then pass through a small opening after just 9 months. I'm also still amazed by how my baby has been surviving and growing tremendously from just my breastmilk. Milk that I didn't have before. I still can't understand it all but I don't need to. I just wonder at how majestic God is.

I'm constantly learning, consistently readjusting myself and sacrificing everything for my son. I want the best for him, more than I ever had. I want him to grow into a happy, kind and gentle soul.